Becoming A Good Friend

“What does it take to become a good friend?”

In a world where we’re more socially connected and yet, relationally isolated than ever, it’s a fair question to ask. A question I’m sure many of us have thought from time to time. I know I certainly have.

Have you found yourself in a lonely place? Wondering, “God, what do I need to do to earn friends? Why can’t I get close to anyone?”

Many of us answer these questions in one of two ways: 1) We ignore the ache inside and numb out to our vice of choice (eg. Netflix, pornography, Instagram, alcohol, etc.) or 2) We make ourselves busier in an effort to feel more important.

But, what if, instead of looking to external factors to improve our relationships, we looked inward?

What if the secret to being a good friend was to look inward?

The Scriptures share this story in 1 Samuel about what true friendship looks like.

Externally, Jonathan and David could not have been more different.

David is the youngest son of a nobody shepherd. Jonathan is the firstborn son of the King of Israel, which also makes him next in line for the throne.

“What if the secret to being a good friend was to look inward?”

But Jonathan hears David sharing his zeal for the Lord and Jonathan immediately feels this desire to befriend David.

I don’t think you realize how crazy this is.

David’s success against Goliath gave him momentum with the Israelite people in wanting him to become the next King of Israel. The people wanted David to obtain the throne—a throne that RIGHTFULLY belonged to Jonathan.

But Jonathan doesn’t see it that way.

He doesn’t care about platforms or positions, he sees David’s heart and he says, “you, I want to get to know you.”

See, we don’t remember Jonathan as a main character in the bible but he plays such an important supporting role in actually allowing David to take the throne that’s rightfully his. In doing so, in establishing the royal line of David, Jonathan puts in motion the family that eventually brings to the world Jesus of Nazareth.

As I was reading this, I started to wonder—how tragic would this story have been had Jonathan not had the humility to befriend David the way he did?

What if David and Jonathan didn’t see eye-to-eye on who would be the next king? Their relationship would then have been built on competition, envy, resentment, and pride. But instead, they loved each other more than the issue of who would take the throne because they loved the Lord more than the throne of Israel.

This isn’t biblical figure of speech, this isn’t a story. This is REAL LIFE. This is one guy, giving up EVERYTHING—his fame, his influence, his wealth, his status, his inheritance—for his friend…for the Lord.

What if we all had a friend like that?

What if we all were that kind of friend?   

What is holding you back from pursuing a close friendship with someone?

Maybe you’re focused too much on all of the differences you have rather than trying to identify similarities.

Is there someone in your life who you’ve kept at an arms length away because “they’re just too different?” 

Or maybe you’ve let envy keep you from being close friends with someone. You’re intimidated by their success, physical appearance, or personality and you’ve let it build up resentment in your heart towards that person.

But what would it look like to look INWARD at the people around us? To let the most important bond we have be our love for the Lord. 

My friends, what if we developed the courage to ask REAL questions?

Questions like, “what do you love? What are you passionate about? What do you enjoy?”

I’m convinced that we are losing the ability to grow real, authentic friendships simply because the courage we show on our devices isn’t the same courage we’re willing to show in real life.

“What if we developed the courage to ask REAL questions?”

We have to begin to work on growing the courage to be a trailblazer, to go first, to lead the way in asking those around us questions as we seek to look inward at other’s hearts. At their values and motivations.

When you get curious, you may start to find out that you have more in common than you think.

And out of that inward curiosity, you may just find the friend you’ve always been looking for.