The Person We Struggle to Forgive the Most

I’ve been watching a show on Netflix recently called, Manifest. In it, one of the main characters wrestles through an intense season of grief after she accidentally killed her best friend driving under the influence. For years, she has lived with the pain and regret of her choice to drive drunk and it haunts her at almost every turn. The intensity of her grief is felt.

It’s a reminder that oftentimes, the person we struggle the most to forgive is ourselves.

In the book of Genesis, a man named Joseph is betrayed by his brothers. In a cowardice act of jealousy and rage, Joseph’s 10 older brothers throw him into a cistern to die. Eventually, they come to their senses and sell him for 20 pieces of silver (so much better…this is sarcasm, FYI).

Decades later, an intense famine sweeps the land of Egypt and its surrounding countries. Over the years, Joseph has endured a tumultuous life. Rising through the ranks of servanthood in a master’s house, being falsely accused of sexual assault, thrown into prison, interpreting dreams, and eventually landing as Pharoah’s (Egypt’s version of a King) right-hand man. God provides Joseph foresight to anticipate the famine and he devises a plan to store tons of grain to save people from starvation.

Eventually, Joseph’s brothers come to Egypt looking for food and they unknowingly come face-to-face with the boy-turned-man whom they betrayed. Reading this exchange, an assumption can be made that Joseph would immediately arrest his brothers and repay them for the horrendous crimes they committed against him.

But instead, he forgives them.

It’s an incredible display of humility.

When forgiveness is extended, reconciliation begins to take place and Joseph is reunited with his family. One would think this would be the end of a happily-ever-after. But unfortunately, this is real life and the process of reconciliation is just that…a process.

The most difficult person to forgive is often ourselves.

Jacob—the father—ends up dying and Joseph’s brothers instantly grow terrified. As it turns out, they’ve been living under the assumption that Joseph’s humble act of forgiveness was merely a form of honor and respect towards their father. Now that he’s gone, it’s time for Joseph to execute his long-awaited revenge, they presume. 

So [Joseph’s brothers] sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.”

When their message came to him, Joseph wept (Genesis 50:16-17, NIV).

Joseph wept.

Why did he weep?

I wonder if in this moment, Joseph’s first instinct is to weep out of a deep-seeded frustration. 

Because he’s hurt.

“How could they not believe I forgive them? After everything I’ve done?! How do they not think this is real?”

Does God wonder and ponder the same questions about us?

The Bible is filled with verse after verse that states His unconditional love for us. That no matter what, He will pursue us, He will take care of us, He will watch over us. And yet, when we open God’s Word and read it in its entirety, we find a collection of stories about humanity acting out the part of Joseph’s brothers, questioning God’s great love for us and God routinely saying, “what do I have to do to prove to you this is real?!”

I wonder if God is up in heaven, weeping over his creation that refuses to truly accept the undeserved gift of grace.

See, when you fail to forgive yourself, you’re not just hurting you.

Plot twist, it hurts God too!

Joseph’s tears in this story mirror God’s tears in our story.

In Manifest, the main character’s grief is undone when she realizes that the death of her friend ended up saving—by transplant—the life of another. It was a reminder that God’s perspective and power is so much bigger than our own.

Joseph reminds us of this when he tells his brothers, “YOU intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20, NIV).

I wonder if God is up in heaven, weeping over his creation that refuses to truly accept the undeserved gift of grace.

Despite their evil intentions, God used Joseph’s adverse circumstances to orchestrate salvation from death by famine for millions.

Does this justify Joseph’s brother’s sinful actions? Of course not.

Does it justify our own bad choices? No. 

But what Joseph’s story shows us is that when true repentance is offered, mercy is extended, and forgiveness accepted, a lot of good can be born from bad or sinful decisions. This is the mysterious grace and power of God at work.

The point? The most difficult person to forgive is often ourselves. And yet, God has already forgiven us. He sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to pay the penalty of death that we deserved. And in that, He’s set us free from our guilt and our shame to live in freedom.

So, my friend, whatever sin is weighing you down, whatever bad choice is looming in your mind, whatever evil deed is infusing shame into your soul…let it go. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, release your sin to God. He forgives you.

It’s time to forgive yourself and live in the freedom of love, joy, and peace that Christ promises to us.

Be encouraged.