Healing is A Process

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of traveling with my parents across the country while speaking at numerous marriage conferences as keynote speakers.

My job?

Roadie.

I was the 13 year old boy selling merchandise after sessions with a “my wife is hot” t-shirt on. On numerous occasions, people commented that there was no way I was old enough to be married. I had quite a bit of fun with those conversations.

Many times, the dominant question would be brought up: “How did you ever forgive your dad?”

Here’s the story…

When I was 10 years old, my dad came home from church after preaching and got into—what I thought at the time—was a routine shouting match with my mom. Only, it quickly escalated to a level I hadn’t seen before and I watched as my mom kicked my dad out of the house, right in front of me.

At that point in life, I regularly reverted to being the intercessor and tried to get them to stop fighting by screaming or crying myself. Whatever I could do to let them know I could hear them.

But this time was different. There was nothing I could do and before I knew it, my dad was gone.

“Forgiveness is instant. Trust and healing takes time.”

I found out later my dad had resigned from the church we had started and were entrenched at.

This was the church that I had invited almost half of my school to.

This was the church that I loved deeply.

And my dad left it, my family, and everything else to pursue an extra-marital relationship with my mom’s best friend.

For the next 3 months, I sat in darkness—partially because of my ignorance as a 10-year-old and partially because of the lack of control I had over the situation.

Over the course of 3 months, my mom and dad became broken, restarted at ground zero and God rebuilt and restored their marriage in a miraculous way. Years later, God has used that story to save people, to save marriages, to provide opportunities and experiences for my family to continue that restorative work, and most recently, to rebuild His Church through my parents by planting Hope City Church in Indianapolis, Indiana.

“May we be people who forgive quickly but who also do the slow, hard work of restoration.”

Here’s the problem: the further removed we get from it all, the more people just assume it happened, it’s over, and now we’re good.

People quickly forgot that there were some HARD days during that season and not just during that season but for the next 10 years.

I idolized my dad growing up—he WAS God to me. He was everything I wanted to be and that day destroyed the god-like image I had built of him…

People didn’t see the days I refused to talk to him.

People didn’t see the day I went over to the house he was staying at and as a 10 year old, unleashed on him, telling him—for the first and only time ever—that I hated him. And I did. I meant it.

People didn’t see the process that took place they simply heard about the end result. 

Multiple times, I’ve gotten up to preach about my family’s story of restoration and have been met with the rebuttal, “well, Micah, why isn’t my restoration process instant like that?”

But, as the mature believer knows, there’s no such thing as an instant restoration process. I think that’s where a lot of people get tripped up.

Slow is not a NO.

Just because the process of healing takes time doesn’t mean God is denying you forgiveness. Forgiveness is instant. Forgiveness has been extended; you NEED to accept it.

But trust and healing takes TIME. It was over the course of months and years that trust with my dad was rebuilt. It’s taken years for healing and restoration to take place.

Forgiveness is instant. Trust and healing takes time.

May we be people who forgive quickly but who also do the slow, hard work of restoration.

It’s possible. You have what it takes.

Peace to you, my friend.