Jesus Over Everything

What does it mean to belong to a, “healthy” family? That’s a big question, isn’t it? Is there an answer?

When we open the Scriptures, we find a vastly different cultural context than what we find ourselves living in now. This fact is imperative to know as we attempt to extrapolate the truth behind Jesus’s words regarding family.

However, I must warn you, Jesus’s word were as provocative and challenging then as they’re going to sound now.

And so, know that my goal today is to humbly and honestly bring forth what Jesus says about family and how, when we determine where our allegiance lies, it opens up a vast range of possibility for healthy families to be developed.

Here’s an example of Jesus’s own thoughts on family from the Gospel of Mark:

Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” “Who are my mother and brothers?” he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:31-34, NIV).  

Interesting, right?

What does Jesus mean by this?

Let’s gather some cultural context.

In the first century, Jewish society was marked by what we call a “strong group” culture. A strong group culture is anchored by habits, norms, traditions, or values which in turn, shape the individuals who make up the broader group. In other words, the individual isn’t primarily known for the distinct skill set, gifts, or abilities that they possess. Rather, they’re known for the group they belong to.

If you want to remember what a strong group culture is, we can break it down to this: WE > ME.

The GROUP is primary. We see this all throughout scripture, right?  

You have James and John who are referred to as, “The sons of Zebedee.” Joseph, Jesus’s father is referred to as, “son of David”—meaning he belonged to the family of David. You have Peter who’s first named Simon and is often referred to as, “Simon, son of Jonah.”

But it’s not just families, it’s affiliations. Rahab the prostitute, Simon the Zealot, John the Baptizer.

There’s also the power of place, who was Jesus? He was, “Jesus of Nazareth.” 

Do you see the strong group culture at place?

The group DEFINES the individual.  

A weak group culture on the other hand places the individual at the center. Norms, traditions, and values have very little impact on individual behavior.

Why? Because they’re not shared.

The individual knows BEST.

A weak group culture can be summed up to this: ME > WE.

We’re living in this post-Christian, hyper-individualistic society where to be successful is to be AUTONOMOUS. When we don’t need ANYONE else, then we’ve truly made it. 

How’s that working for us? Is the autonomous life the good life? The best life? 

We live in a culture where the value of family is being torn apart. Where rootedness is being replaced with transience. In our pursuit of more—more money, more comfort, more space, more freedom, more flexibility, more (you fill in the blank).

We are pulling up the roots of relationships that—over time—allow us to experience the rich benefits of authentic familial community.

In one study, the APA found that, “frequent relocations in childhood are related to poorer well-being in adulthood.” The participants of that study were found to have, “fewer quality social relationships as adults.” 

Our transience, our hypermobility, is disrupting our ability to cultivate family. Is this the best way for us to live? 

Jesus’s picture of a family is vastly different than you probably think that it is.

I mean if you’re like me, I grew up in American Evangelicalism where it was preached to me that the “blessed” family was a suburban soccer mom, breadwinning dad and coach, with a 2-story house, 2 cars, 2 pets, and 2.5 kids. This was the picture painted for me of what a “successful” family looked like.  

Perhaps for you, the concept of family is a mess in a different way.

Maybe you were abandoned by your family at a young age. Perhaps you have had multiple stepparents and step siblings.

Maybe you were adopted by loving parents but the ache of not knowing your real parents has left this untenable wound.

Maybe you bounced around from foster home to foster home and never felt settled in a safe place.

Perhaps you walk in here the product of a divorce or you recently got divorced and the picture in your mind of what you thought a family should look like has been shipwrecked.  

Can I encourage you today, my friends?

Whether you’re sitting here reading this with a family God has blessed you with or you’re reading alone, again, spiraling—trying to figure out how you could ever belong to a family—wherever you’re at on that continuum, Jesus has good news for you. 

Luke 14, starting in verse 25, 

Large crowds were traveling with Jesus and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate their father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple (Luke 14:25-27, NIV).   

Oh, that doesn’t feel like good news, does it? Sorry. Let’s try another passage, 

Matthew 10, starting in verse 34, 

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:34-39, NIV). 

Huh.

Is anyone else confused?

Micah, isn’t this supposed to be inspiring?! I thought we were going to talk about healthy families?!

What is this?

Seriously…what is this?

I’ve honestly asked myself that same question. But after studying and wrestling with these words, I realized… 

This is the Gospel. 

In the 3 clearest, most explicit passages regarding family that come from Jesus’s mouth, a similar message is spoken: 

When push comes to shove, Jesus reigns supreme. 

When backed into a corner, our allegiance is to Jesus alone. 

When forced to CHOOSE, Jesus is the answer. 

It’s Jesus over everything.

Now, that may not be a popular answer with respect to a teaching on family, but neither was Jesus’s!

We live in this hyper-individualistic society where family has lost so much meaning and yet, if you’re being really honest, aren’t you offended by those words?

I AM!

“If I don’t HATE my mother or brother? If I don’t HATE my wife? If I LOVE them more than I love Jesus, I’m unworthy?” 

What is this, Jesus?

If it’s this shocking and painful for us to take in, imagine how enraging it would have been for a strong group culture—whose entire identity was wrapped up in the tribe—imagine how hard it would have been for them to hear.  

What is Jesus getting at here?

Does Jesus hate families? Of course not.

But to apprentice under Jesus, we MUST grasp this fundamental truth that allegiance to Jesus comes first. That the calling on our lives, when we surrender our lives to Jesus—if you call yourself a Christian—is to willingly surrender whatever identity you’ve placed in your “blood family” in exchange for entrance into the “multi-ethnic, multi-generational, multi-lingual” family of the Kingdom of God. 

Here’s the truth, my friends, Jesus is not against family, he just wants your primary family to be HIS family.

May we live into that vision today.

Jesus over everything.

Be encouraged.